My Dream Job

my dream jobby job is to write books...however i am lacking a very important item...a subject. any ideas? i mean its not like my amazing parenting skills merit telling others, and my relationship tips would sink the most secure marriage...mine stays together with glue and paper clips (oh yah, and the love of a very patient guy)...and i dont have anything to write a 'how to' book about because i dont really know how to properly do anything...and my grammar and english are horrid. but thats what publishers and editors are for right?

so essentially all i have is my crass, sarcastic attitude and no experience at anything except work, alcohol, poor sleep habits, stuborn pig headed kids, and past drug abuse. (thats a long story) Oh my god, i could be James Frey! well minus the stubborn 7 year old! Yes!!! i guess i can write the sequal to his book, then Oprah and i can have a couch pow-wow until i say something she doesnt like, then she will use her god-like powers to smash me like a twig.

so i guess i dont need your answers and suggestions after all...its all set. me+oprah=b.f.f. see you on the show.